You Are Not Who You Think You Are

I watched a fascinating episode in the BBC's 'Horizon' strand yesterday evening, attempting to answer the question "How do we know who we are?".

This was a good summary of the various strands of thinking that have been gathering force around this topic over the last decade as research into it starts to become mainstream science.

The BBC's Horizon page is currently here:
www.bbc.co.uk/horizon

Another good overview (and actually quite detailed) examination of this topic of identity and what makes 'me' think that I am 'me' is in Tor Norretranders' book "The User Illusion"

Both Horizon and Tors share the view that this person we call "I" is probably a synthesis of the several biological brain processes working as a kind of 'network'. And that many of these processes operate out of necessity on an unconscious level.

Tors maintains that because our brains are able to receive and process many millions of bits of information (far more than we could handle consciously) and because memory gives us an evolutionary advantage, then 'consciousness' (the person we think of as 'I') only exists as a kind of librarian in what is actually an almost totally automated library. The librarian is there as a kind of organising principal and comfort factor.

Both Horizon and Tors point to recent research showing that apparently conscious decisions - for example to reach for a glass of water because I'm thirsty - actually take place unconsciously first.

Horizon repeated experiments which show that this actually unconscious decision-making process happens up to SIX seconds before the conscious part of the brain builds the illusion that it made the decision. The presenter was astounded to discover that the scientists watching him inside a magnetic resonance imager were able to know whether he had decided to press a left or right button before he was consciously aware of his decision!

Horizon also showed how the brain could be fooled into thinking that it was observing itself (and its body, of course) sitting in one place when it was actually a few feet away.

I'm fascinated by all of this because of its profound implications for change work, personal development and emotional intelligence.

It seems that science is able to prove what some philosophers and therapists have been attempting to work with for some time, things like:

1) If I change the inputs to my mind, for example, the kind of tv I watch, or I change my biological processes, for example by sleeping better or exercising more, then the "I" will also be changed

2) I can use my mind to imagine observing myself and introduce the information of my behaviour as part of my unconscious library. I can create a feedback loop that introduces more awareness of the whole me, not just the illusory conscious part, and add more choices about how the whole of that behaves

3) I can be aware that a lot of my reaction to and understanding of other people arises from this amalgam of unconscious processes. Then, I can (a) deliberately use my unconscious to help build better understanding of others and (b) give my internal librarian a little more choice in what reactions I actually let myself express

4) The best change work will balance working at a conscious level with the knowledge that most of what determines a person's sense of self is actually happening at an unconscious level. Working with the whole physiological system, for example reminding somebody how their posture affects their internal confidence and their external ability to relate to others becomes very important. As does working directly at a subconscious level, for example using metaphor and imagery to describe a person's experience, hopes and fears rather than talking more (illusory) directly about them.

I'm also reminded of the Buddhist concept of Anatta, meaning 'no self', in which the mind is nothing but a complex compound of fleeting mental states. Descartes and Bertrand Russell had related things to say - nice to see science catching-up!

How are you doing with your own sense of who you are?

And what does it mean for you if who you think you are is more fluid and unconsciously-determined then we thought?

Please leave a comment because it helps people to express their thoughts too.

Don't Pay the Price for Being Sad

Do you always take time to get yourself into the right emotional frame of mind before you take an important purchasing, hiring or product decision? Or before you respond to an unpleasant stimulus, like an annoying email or a challenging blog comment?

I've written before about the ways you can use to change your emotional state - see in particular: 39 Simple Ways to Change Your Day.

And I just came across research by Lerner, Small and Loewenstein into what an impact emotions can have on important decisions. They got one group of people into a sad state of mind by getting them to watch a sad movie and then imagine how they'd feel in that situation. Then they looked at how that sadness influenced the groups' purchasing and selling decisions compared to a control group.

On the whole, the people who were sad either paid 30% more for an item as purchasers, or were willing to sell an item for 30% less as sellers - a big margin!

Even more significant, they were unaware that their emotions had had this impact.

[Click here to download a pdf of their research report]

For me, this highlights even more reasons, and in this case very practical ones, to take care of your emotional state at work.

Top Ten Ways to Survive Working Really Hard

1. Prioritise
Just because you've got a lot of stuff to do doesn't mean it's the right stuff to do. Stay rigorous in your choices, say "no" when you need to, and continue to refresh your assessment of your 'top three' priorities. If you could only do three things before you were forced to take a break, what would they be?

2. Stay Connected
Don't out-distance your colleagues, friends and family, to the point where you're so far out in front you're really on your own. This is not sustainable. Instead, make sure you have the balance of your effort right: senior people need to work hard at connecting with other people as much (if not more) as driving the task-achievement. Who do you need to connect with today?

3. Keep Part Of Your Pain Monitor Switched On
Like an athlete who knows how to get through the pain barrier, you can switch off a lot of the signals about how much it's hurting. But you need to keep part of your mind monitoring this. What's showing up on your pain monitor that you need to deal with?

4. Make Coming Down Routine
Working hard can be such a rush. I love feeling really alive with the pressure and buzz of it all. I don't like the come-down so much, especially when I let it crash into me all at once. Music, movement, letting your eyes focus on the distance and anything which healthily engages your senses of touch and smell will really help. What might be in your come-down routine?

5. Keep It Light
Isn't it a bit funny really, putting all this effort into stuff which probably won't even exist 200 years from now? You've probably already seen something funny in it anyway? And I often feel like I'm Charlie Chaplin in that scene from Modern Times where he's desperately trying to keep up with the ever-accelerating cogs and gears of the machine. Maybe I should grow a comic moustache – how about you?

6. Keep The End In Mind
There is some point to all this effort right? Even if it's just to keep the wolf from the door? I only ask, because sometimes people have got the act of working really hard confused with the reason for working really hard. And that can lead to sub-optimal choices about the strategies you can use. Find your reason for working so hard, don't be embarrassed by it, champion it, and keep it close by.

7. Use The 80:20 Rule
The first 20% of effort you put in gets 80% of the result. And conversely, the last 20% of the result takes the remaining 80% of your effort. Learn when 80%+ is a good enough result. Sony used this to devastating effect when first grabbing their huge share of the personal electronics market, and Apple may now be doing the same. Getting many 80% right results out there gives you more feedback, more time in the limelight and more opportunities to improve than getting out just a few 99% right results.

8. Go With The Flow
Do I take the rough overgrown path everytime, or the smooth downhill one? Should I push at the open door or try to knock down that closed one instead? I probably am strong enough to paddle my canoe upstream (for a while) but might it be more sensible to go with the current downstream and save my strength for paddling round those dangerous rocks and pulling out of the water at that nice sandy bank? Hmm – what do you think?

9. Get A Life
This was a hard one for me, because there isn't much that comes close to the personal reward I get from my work. And I'm better at my work (and probably a better person all round) when that isn't the only thing in my life. Don't try too hard to choose the 'right' other stuff to have in your life; best to just pick-up what's (metaphorically) right in front of you and go with that. Got boots and hills? – go for a hike. Got kids? – go to the zoo. Got pots, basil and tomatoes? – cook Italian. Get it?

10. Don't Take The Bait
People working really hard sometimes mistakenly bite at two different kinds of bait out of unconscious emotional reactions. The two types of bait to avoid are: (1) tempting possibilities that look at first like they will get you closer to your goal, but really end up wasting your time; & (2) painful prods or comments connected to some flaw in yourself or your work and which lead to unproductive outbursts or withdrawals. To avoid both of these, be an observant fish and swim around the bait a few times before deciding if it's a genuine juicy morsel or a hook waiting to catch you.

Abundance Conkers All

At the weekend I received my friend Patrick Ryan's occasional newsletter. He always writes about something consciousness-raising, and this one was no exception, with a moving and elegant article on abundance.

If you believe that there is enough of what you need around in the world then it becomes easier to have what you need - and in a way that creates abundance for others too.
But Patrick's an old hippy so I read it and moved on. Click here for his website.

In the meantime, we have a family trip to the movies and on the way home are surprised to find a group of people, heads down, milling around in our front garden. Our huge Horse-chestnut tree is really loaded with conkers, a week or so early this year we think, and a stiff breeze has delivered a carpet of spiky green casings and yummy brown conkers.

Our drive is open to the road and the windfall has attracted a number of passers-by; some casual browsers and a family of serious conker-collectors, all busy harvesting the fall.

As usual, I'm quite peeved that all these strangers should make themselves so at home on my driveway and I begin to figure out just how rude I can be to them without seeming like a total madman. My son, aged seven becomes very worried that there will not be enough conkers for him to play with and runs inside to write a sign telling people to leave the conkers alone.

But my wife is a little better at seeing the bigger picture, even without having read Patrick's newsletter, and she remembers that one of the groups on our driveway is the family from up the road that our son wanted to make friends with. She fetches some bags and buckets and pretty soon we're all collecting and swapping hints on soaking conkers in vinegar, baking and the best kind of shoelaces. It's a street party before we even know it. And our son gets an invite to go play with his new friends.

The tree meanwhile doesn't care about any of this. It's just being a Horse-chestnut tree and getting on with making conkers in abundance. In the photo is this morning's collection.

Ongoing Review: Paul McKenna's 'I Can Make You Thin'

I discovered on our recent summer breaks that I can't really go on denying how much weight I've put on over the last couple of years. A decent hike had my knees hurting on the climbs and when I got my wetsuit on to dip in the North Sea there was an unfamiliar tummy-shaped bulge.

Already being aware that my unconscious eating habits were the cause, Paul McKenna's book ' I Can Make You Thin' was an obvious choice for something to help me change those habits, in preference to a diet or gym routine.
Click here for the book on Amazon

I'm going to introduce that book and system here, and then update my progress below as I work through it.

Now I know that some people say Paul McKenna can seem cheesy, oily and sometimes a bit creepy, but I'm not bothered about letting that get in the way of me benefiting from what he does. And what he does very well is to deconstruct a desirable skill or behaviour that an 'expert' has (in this case, thin people) into:

• the full unconscious set of behaviours that perform the skill
• the coding of such behaviours into a teachable / learnable format.

Most of the very simple (lightweight, even) book is dedicated to setting out the four golden rules of the system:

1. When you are hungry, EAT
2. Eat what you really want, not what you think you should
3. Eat CONSCIOUSLY and enjoy every mouthful
4. When you think you are full, STOP eating.

(but you should note that in the '90 Day Success Journal' also discussed below, these rules subsequently seem to also include: drinking water before meals and moving your body)

Other chapters also usefully cover ways to bust craving and overcome emotional eating.
The newest edition of the book also includes a 'Mind-Programming' CD, which is about 25 minutes of hypnosis.

Day 0, Initial Check-in
I discover I weigh about 12% more than I want to weigh.

I read through the book, the principals seem to align with what I'm looking for - something which will help me change bad habits in a way that aligns with my life and goals and does not impose some ridiculous regime on me.

I decide that as this process is about changing habits, it'd help to also have the very simple '90 Day Success Journal', which I like although am aware is really just an expensive, structured notebook for logging my progress and keeping me on track.

I promise, no more photos till the end!

Day 15, First Weigh-in
I've been following the process without too much effort, completed the journal on 11 days out of the 15.
Key lessons include:

• I'm letting myself get way too hungry before I eat - 1 or 2 on the 'Hunger Scale', rather than 3 or 4 where it should be, and I over-eat as a result;
• I'm eating a few 'health food' items that I really hate - olive oil spread especially! I switch to butter about a week into the programme, which feels like a really silly thing to do, but let's see;
• I'm eating in front of the TV and often pay absolutely no attention to my food. When I remember, I start to sniff mouthfuls before eating and then to try and see how many flavours I can spot as I chew - makes me look like I have special needs and my wife gets slightly embarrassed in restaurants;
• I almost always clear my plate completely, as if I was still 14 years old, poor and permanently hungry.

I'm not expecting any weight loss, I just want to get control over my habits.
At weigh-in, I've already lost 3% of what I want to eventually lose - not a lot, but I'm pleasantly surprised that it's going in the right direction.
Next check-in at the 30 day mark.

Day 30, Second Weigh-In
I think I'm already noticing some changes; my energy levels have gone up and I'm having less bloated tummy feelings. I'm getting clearer signals from my body about what foods it needs and have upped my vegetable and roughage intake as a result. I also went as far as to cook a few vegetarian meals, which I used to really love doing; they were great!
I've been pretty good with the programme, at least giving it my attention for 13 out of the last 15 days.
However, I am still missing some key components of it, in particular I have NOT been:

• moving my body - my lifestyle has become very sedentary as I've got busier and busier this year, and I really do need to do something about this - haven't even been for a decent hike apart from on holiday;
• listening to the accompanying CD - the thought of listening to Paul McKenna's voice is putting me off and I don't want that to carry on getting in the way of what he has to offer - I load it onto the iPod and resolve to have a listen at least once;
• doing the "mirror exercise", which is supposed to involve standing in front of the mirror and remembering a time when someone I trust or respect paid me a compliment. This is good stuff, I know and it would help if I did it, but I'm resisting. I suppose, if I'm really honest, I don't want to get into this kind of exercise because I would then have to admit that I'm not feeling totally good about myself.

Other challenges include:

• drinking more water - I buy myself a 'Glogg' water bottle and keep it with me. I'm going to look a prat, but I'll be a lighter-feeling prat;
  
• leaving something on my plate in order to practice noticing when I'm full. Years of conditioning to empty my plate are obviously going to take some changing, so I revisit Paul's guidance on eating s-l-o-w-e-r.

And one lesson that seems really important to highlight since I can't see myself suddenly getting less busy:

• when I've not had a chance to eat when I need and I arrive home feeling really really hungry, instead of piling my plate-up and scoffing, I've learnt to eat one thing first, then wait and then see if I need more. The total amount I actually need to feel happily satisfied is much less then my starving self would initially estimate.

At weigh-in, I am down by a further 12% of the amount I want to lose, which is a very surprisingly positive result.

Further update to come at day 45.

Aug 09 Camping Holiday

Catching up on iPhoto after holidays.

Here's the view from our tent at the Cae Du campsite in Snowdonia

(Click the image for larger pic - big file size)

Cae Du is a fantastic campsite, right on the coast in a beautiful part of Snowdonia. On the first night we saw dolphins swimming about in the sea and later in the same week a family of seals.

More reviews and info on the campsite by clicking here.

And click here for the map location.

Book Review: The Consolations of Philosophy

I thought I might do some quick book reviews of my holiday reading.

First up is The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain de Botton, which I really loved.
Reading this felt like a conversation with that kind of interesting acquaintance who manages to leave you feeling calm, refreshed and inspired. The writing is masterly; deceptively simple and well-crafted yet clearly well planned and researched.

Just a few of my favourite bits:

On 'Consolation for Frustration':

"Not everything which happens to us occurs with reference to something about us"
de Botton interpreting Seneca

"I do not allow [Fortune] to pass sentence upon myself"
quoting Seneca to mean that there is no moral universe in which external circumstances are a reflection of internal qualities.

Shit happens, get over it (that's me, not de Botton)

On 'Consolation for Difficulties':

"We should not feel embarrassed by our difficulties, only by our failure to grow anything beautiful from them"
de Botton interpreting Nietzsche

and again here:

"Fulfilment is reached by responding wisely to difficulties that could tear one apart".

I could go on, but here's the book on Amazon

And his Twitter feed is here.